Scatter brained...

You know you’re unsettled when you think to yourself “I’ll write something in the blog until I decide what to do”, then you sit down to write and you can’t make your thoughts stay still long enough to be captured in words.  It’s like trying to nail fog to the wall.

I know I have plenty of thoughts going on because I haven’t been able to pay attention to a single thing for more than two minutes.  Constant distractions in abstract form and I couldn’t tell you what a single one of them has been – it didn’t really wait around long enough to be identified.

It’s the kind of state where minutes feel like hours but hours also feel like minutes and you have absolutely nothing to show for a single second of it.  Well, apart from the half full ashtray you don’t remember using full of entirely smoked cigarettes you have no recollection of smoking.  If you smoke that is.  Could just as easily be a pile of sweet wrappers or used tea bags.

I have days like this once in a while.  It’s not boredom and it’s definitely not because I’m stupid.  It seems as though, on days like this, my mind is running too fast to notice much that’s going on.  I thought I’d do some exercise to ground me a bit.  It didn’t work.  Well, it did, because I can feel my triceps starting to ache a bit now, but I just kept going without even keeping count of reps and probably wouldn’t have stopped until my arm dropped off if it hadn’t been for a sound outside that made me temporarily aware of the world again.

A subconsciously conscious day, I suppose it is really.  Actually, this is helping, but I can’t keep writing this all night.  I’d go to sleep if I thought for a second I’d sleep.  If I thought for a second on one train of thought that would be an improvement.

So writing in the blog seemed like a good idea, but since I can’t focus on anything it seems to have turned into a lot of chattering on about being scattered.  I probably need some sort of downer.  This is the kind of day when I do strange things and can’t explain why.  I have no downers.  Minor flaw in the plan.  Perhaps a hot cup of Horlicks…